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Depression, performativity and the conflicted body: An auto-ethnography of self-medication

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Abstract

In this article, I discuss intimate practices of self-medication in relation to political preoccupations with the ethics of the pharmaceutical economy, and discursive constructions of illness. Partly self-ethnographic, the article draws from my personal experience of clinical depression, and the discomforts in thinking of myself as a ‘depressed’ subject who consumes medications. Intervening in debates on new materialism and affect studies, I offer an account of dynamics where the material and the discursive, the human and the non-human, the personal and the political converge. I suggest that the experience and performative effects of self-medication lie not only in the activation of chemical compounds, but in the conscious bodily animation of cognitive and affective relations with medications. In this analysis, I employ creative forms of writing, to find a language of distress that blurs the boundary between the material and the discursive.

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Notes

  1. By ‘the pharmaceutical industry’ I refer to medication sales, direct-to-consumer advertising, money paid to psychiatrists, sponsorships and the financial support of patient advocacy groups and educational organisations (Whitaker, 2010).

  2. In the past five years, an increasing number of celebrities, such as Angelina Jolie, Woody Allen, Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry, have publicly revealed that they have suffered from mental health problems.

  3. Cooper traces patients’ voluntary participation in the development of new drugs in 1980s AIDS activism, when activist-patients demanded a right to experimental and potentially high-risk drugs. In recent years, pharmaceutical companies have incorporated patients into the research process as a form of ‘innovation in practice’ (Cooper 2012, p. 26, emphasis in the original), where ‘user-generated innovation’ is a model of value production that employs networking sites based on the unpaid contribution of users, such as PatientsLikeMe. Within a shift from test to ‘distributed experiment’, Cooper suggests that such forms of potential innovation are expressions of embodied labour that also arise through ‘ingestion and metabolic self-transformation’ (2012, p. 22).

  4. Thrift’s discussion is based upon Benjamin Libet’s experiment in the 1980s, where subjects were asked to carry out a simple physical movement and report the instant when they decided to perform it. Monitoring their brain activity with EEG electrodes, Libet concluded that an action is set in motion before the subject consciously decides to perform it, and the time that elapses between volition and action ranges between 0.8 and 1.5 s (see Thrift, 2004). Thrift focuses on this ‘half second delay’ as a re-evaluation of the preconscious, or an instance of ‘bare life’ upon which, for example, commercial strategies are engineered, such as the use of smells and sounds in retail settings ‘so as to produce impulse purchases’ (2004, p. 158).

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Acknowledgements

I would like to thank the anonymous reviewers of Subjectivity for their comments on the earlier drafts of this article.

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Trivelli, E. Depression, performativity and the conflicted body: An auto-ethnography of self-medication. Subjectivity 7, 151–170 (2014). https://doi.org/10.1057/sub.2014.4

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